Words of an Artist

One cannot always tell what it is that keeps us shut in, confines us, seems to bury us, but still one feels certain barriers, certain gates, certain walls. Is all this imagination, fantasy? I do not think so. And then one asks: My God! Is it for ever, is it for eternity? Do you know what frees one from this captivity? It is very deep serious affection. Being friends, being brothers, love, that is what opens the prison by supreme power, by some magic force.

-Vincent Van Gogh, letter to his brother (July 1880)

Early Life Crisis?

How do you explain a bachelor's degree in Political Science, public policy thesis work, field experience in clinical psychology, volunteer experience in psychiatry, and work experience in investment banking?

I was asked this question in an interview a few weeks ago and quite frankly it was one that I found harder to truthfully answer then the one that followed, "why alternative investments?" (lets be frank, aside from a volatile market, investors looking for alternative ways to preserve their capital, blah blah blah - I just wanted a job and this one was open, luckily at great firm) Whatever happened to the days when the quintessential 'what are your weaknesses?' was the hardest question to answer?

For someone governed by logic, who measures success objectively and integrates empirical data to prove points in every day life, I have found that the only thing in my life that isn't so black and white is my resume. I'm all over the place! Which begs the question, are ecletic interests and experiences an indication of enthusiasm and a love for learning? Or someone who is whimsical and capricious at best?

Either way, I'm beginning to realize that it doesn't matter as long as I'm doing something and gleaning knowledge and skills while at it. I can't decide what I want for dinner tonight, how can anyone expect me to know what I want to be doing in 30 years at the age of 21?

Those Who Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail?

I'm what you call a consummate planner. I plan, plan, plan. I even have back-up plans in case my original plans don't work out. In fact, I plan so much that I own two planners - a social AND professional one (God forbid I write down 'dinner with the girls' on the line beneath 'interview @ 1pm'). I think of solutions to problems that may never arise, and analyze outcomes to situations I can't even control. I calculate everything meticulously. Problem is...

You can't plan life.

With my blog turning a year old a few weeks ago, I started thinking of where I am in life today and how different it is then where I thought I would be a year ago. I had it all figured out. I'd get a job in the Philadelphia area for the summer, just enough time to save up and move to NYC to get started on my masters in psychology in the fall. I'd have a chic little apartment, work a part time job, and be on my merry way to the eventual Ph.D...

None of it happened. I didn't find a job straight out of college, I got into graduate school in DC and not NYC, and I ended up investing my savings/funds internationally....in a French designer purse. And although I'm happy - I landed a great volunteer/internship position at a hospital, started working on a research study with a professor - it is not quite how I imagined life to be. With grandiose plans shattered...I often feel like I've time traveled four years. Like most grads, I'm back home and enjoying the luxury of home cooked meals. And while my original plan hasn't changed...it's no longer in the "must complete by this specific date/time/minute" list.

I'm not sure if I'll ever stop planning...but 2009 taught me one thing. Put in 110%, plan 90%, Expect 0%.

After all, life is what happens while your too busy making grand plans for it.

On matters of luck and faith

I am not someone that believes in luck. Nor do I consider myself someone who has alot of faith. It's not that I don't believe in God, or chance for that matter. In my opinion, 'luck' and 'faith' are words used too loosely.

If a relationship doesn't work out, people will tell you to have 'faith' and you'll meet someone. If you recently just graduated and have yet to land a job, all of a sudden you become 'unlucky'. I am not sure what the statistics are supporting my following statement yet I say this with confidence- you can sit home all day sulking post-relationship with all the faith in the world but if you refuse to go out and put in effort, you'll never meet someone. Same goes for the lack-of-luck arguement with regards to unemployment. The economy is bad, unemployment is high - factors that are a result of decisions and actions taken in the past decade. All you newly grads- you didn't graduate in a bad economy because you are 'unlucky'. You graduated in 2010 because you started college in 2006, and you started college in 2006, because you started kindergarden in 1991, a few years after you were born, nine months after you were concieved, a direct biological result of the loving union of a male and female.

Without turning this into a never-ending diatribe, luck and faith or lackthereof, have become excuses often used as a scapegoat and a way to forgo accountability for oneself. No one ever wants to admit that their failed relationship, bad grades, unemployment, or car accident is a direct or indirect of their actions/decisions.

Blame it on luck, or God temorarily forgetting about you. But if your not willing to do something about it, then I'm afraid you'll forever be sh*t outta luck!

Ph.D....Probably Headed for Divorce?

Or will never even get married to reach the dilemma of whether to get a divorce or not? 

"Its what I want to do", a phrase that I've been repeating to my father over and over again since I graduated college. And it turns out that what I want to do (become an author, specialize in pediatric psychosis) requires a Ph.D ...atleast for anyone to take me seriously. So thats the direction I've been headed towards. This morning I just got my first call to interview for a five year, Ph.D in Clinical Psychology with a specialization in a Child and Adolescents program. Joyous occasion? Not for pops, it wasn't.

There's alot of cons to obtaining a Ph.D; yet it seems like the biggest problem my father has about it is how it effects the probability of marriage. Five years, he says, is too long of a commitment. If my heads' in the books for the next five years, I'll be 26 when I finally get three letters after my name. And by then, I'll be considered an old maid. I'm in my prime NOW. Factor in fertility drops, career devotion, ect. ect, and a Ph.D suddenly has caused more harm than good. Now, don't get me wrong - my dad's in no rush to marry me off. And in his mental hierarchy of existentialism, I'm pretty sure education trumps marriage...but family trumps both. And in his eyes, a Ph.D is a threat to family.

A skeptic, I spent half my night researching and reading to find someone in this century that thought like he did - and was suprised to find many. All the articles supported his arguement...its hard for women Ph.D to find husbands. But why? Unlike what so many articles cited, I don't believe its the time commitment that decreases the chance of a woman getting married or causes divorce. I believe its the type of personality behind a woman that seeks her Ph.D that prevents her successfully finding a mate or keeping one (Monomaniacal. Type A. Overly Independent). 

But if my theory is correct, then why don't female MDs and JDs have the same reputation as PH.Ds? 

Facebook: The New Resume?

Its been two months since I graduated college, and nearly six months since I've started applying for jobs. Its been quite the frustrating experience, to say the least. Statistically speaking, each employer recieves approximately 400 resumes per position.  Forty percent of hires know someone in the company. Most jobs require previous experience. Others are in Arkansas. So where does that leave people like me? 

Sitting here thinking about what it really takes to get a job these days. And the things that ensure you won't. Facebook instantly came to my mind.

I constantly hear about how employers check out the facebook profiles of prospective hires. By the second semester of my senior year, half of my facebook friends seemed to have adopted new names. With confidence, I can say I am one of the few that hasn't jumped on the bandwagon. Are all my wallposts to friends grammatically correct? Are all my posted pictures of family gatherings and honors dinners? Do I have 'reading, knitting, and watching CNN' listed as my activities? Ofcourse not. But I simply refuse to become one of those people so ashamed of their lives that they have to change their name. Nonetheless, I understand my friends' concerns.

Its frustrating to think that someones personal life can have such a profound effect on their employment or lackthere of. How do the activities someone partakes in on the weekend have any relation to their ability, work ethic and intelligence?  (Granted that they aren't doing drugs or shop lifting the local walmart in their pictures) More than likely, the majority of posted pictures on facebook will be of parties, vacations and social events. I don't know of anyone that takes a picture of themselves at the library reading the History of the Peloponnesian War and posts it on their facebook. And if they did, do companies really want to hire such an insipid person?

Sometimes, I wonder if its anything on my facebook thats preventing me from getting a job. But at the end, I always come to the same conclusion. If employers want to be entertained by my witty status updates, envy my vacation getaways, critique my outfit choices, and find out who my latest flame is - then sure, they should check out my facebook. But if they want to know anything about my GPA, the leadership positions I've held, the thesis works I've written, the organizations I've been apart of...then I suggest they look at my resume. 

And although I've made my profile private, today I recieved a friend request from an admissions counsler from a graduate school I had applied to. Did I reject her request? Absolutely not. She has my resume that lists my all curricular achievements. She can now look at my facebook and get a glimpse of who I am, my favorite books, my friends. Afterall, theres more than one side to a person. Don't judge me on an isolated incident, judge me on my legacy.

Enter Witty Title Here

No eloquent words, visionary ideas or grandiose thoughts tonight. Just one of my favorite quotes by my favorite author, academic and activist: 

Look at situations as contingent, not as inevitable, look at them as the result of a series of historical choices made by men and women, as facts of society made by human beings, and not as natural or god-given, therefore unchangeable, permanent, irreversible. - Edward Said