Those Who Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail?

I'm what you call a consummate planner. I plan, plan, plan. I even have back-up plans in case my original plans don't work out. In fact, I plan so much that I own two planners - a social AND professional one (God forbid I write down 'dinner with the girls' on the line beneath 'interview @ 1pm'). I think of solutions to problems that may never arise, and analyze outcomes to situations I can't even control. I calculate everything meticulously. Problem is...

You can't plan life.

With my blog turning a year old a few weeks ago, I started thinking of where I am in life today and how different it is then where I thought I would be a year ago. I had it all figured out. I'd get a job in the Philadelphia area for the summer, just enough time to save up and move to NYC to get started on my masters in psychology in the fall. I'd have a chic little apartment, work a part time job, and be on my merry way to the eventual Ph.D...

None of it happened. I didn't find a job straight out of college, I got into graduate school in DC and not NYC, and I ended up investing my savings/funds internationally....in a French designer purse. And although I'm happy - I landed a great volunteer/internship position at a hospital, started working on a research study with a professor - it is not quite how I imagined life to be. With grandiose plans shattered...I often feel like I've time traveled four years. Like most grads, I'm back home and enjoying the luxury of home cooked meals. And while my original plan hasn't changed...it's no longer in the "must complete by this specific date/time/minute" list.

I'm not sure if I'll ever stop planning...but 2009 taught me one thing. Put in 110%, plan 90%, Expect 0%.

After all, life is what happens while your too busy making grand plans for it.

On matters of luck and faith

I am not someone that believes in luck. Nor do I consider myself someone who has alot of faith. It's not that I don't believe in God, or chance for that matter. In my opinion, 'luck' and 'faith' are words used too loosely.

If a relationship doesn't work out, people will tell you to have 'faith' and you'll meet someone. If you recently just graduated and have yet to land a job, all of a sudden you become 'unlucky'. I am not sure what the statistics are supporting my following statement yet I say this with confidence- you can sit home all day sulking post-relationship with all the faith in the world but if you refuse to go out and put in effort, you'll never meet someone. Same goes for the lack-of-luck arguement with regards to unemployment. The economy is bad, unemployment is high - factors that are a result of decisions and actions taken in the past decade. All you newly grads- you didn't graduate in a bad economy because you are 'unlucky'. You graduated in 2010 because you started college in 2006, and you started college in 2006, because you started kindergarden in 1991, a few years after you were born, nine months after you were concieved, a direct biological result of the loving union of a male and female.

Without turning this into a never-ending diatribe, luck and faith or lackthereof, have become excuses often used as a scapegoat and a way to forgo accountability for oneself. No one ever wants to admit that their failed relationship, bad grades, unemployment, or car accident is a direct or indirect of their actions/decisions.

Blame it on luck, or God temorarily forgetting about you. But if your not willing to do something about it, then I'm afraid you'll forever be sh*t outta luck!

Ph.D....Probably Headed for Divorce?

Or will never even get married to reach the dilemma of whether to get a divorce or not? 

"Its what I want to do", a phrase that I've been repeating to my father over and over again since I graduated college. And it turns out that what I want to do (become an author, specialize in pediatric psychosis) requires a Ph.D ...atleast for anyone to take me seriously. So thats the direction I've been headed towards. This morning I just got my first call to interview for a five year, Ph.D in Clinical Psychology with a specialization in a Child and Adolescents program. Joyous occasion? Not for pops, it wasn't.

There's alot of cons to obtaining a Ph.D; yet it seems like the biggest problem my father has about it is how it effects the probability of marriage. Five years, he says, is too long of a commitment. If my heads' in the books for the next five years, I'll be 26 when I finally get three letters after my name. And by then, I'll be considered an old maid. I'm in my prime NOW. Factor in fertility drops, career devotion, ect. ect, and a Ph.D suddenly has caused more harm than good. Now, don't get me wrong - my dad's in no rush to marry me off. And in his mental hierarchy of existentialism, I'm pretty sure education trumps marriage...but family trumps both. And in his eyes, a Ph.D is a threat to family.

A skeptic, I spent half my night researching and reading to find someone in this century that thought like he did - and was suprised to find many. All the articles supported his arguement...its hard for women Ph.D to find husbands. But why? Unlike what so many articles cited, I don't believe its the time commitment that decreases the chance of a woman getting married or causes divorce. I believe its the type of personality behind a woman that seeks her Ph.D that prevents her successfully finding a mate or keeping one (Monomaniacal. Type A. Overly Independent). 

But if my theory is correct, then why don't female MDs and JDs have the same reputation as PH.Ds? 

Facebook: The New Resume?

Its been two months since I graduated college, and nearly six months since I've started applying for jobs. Its been quite the frustrating experience, to say the least. Statistically speaking, each employer recieves approximately 400 resumes per position.  Forty percent of hires know someone in the company. Most jobs require previous experience. Others are in Arkansas. So where does that leave people like me? 

Sitting here thinking about what it really takes to get a job these days. And the things that ensure you won't. Facebook instantly came to my mind.

I constantly hear about how employers check out the facebook profiles of prospective hires. By the second semester of my senior year, half of my facebook friends seemed to have adopted new names. With confidence, I can say I am one of the few that hasn't jumped on the bandwagon. Are all my wallposts to friends grammatically correct? Are all my posted pictures of family gatherings and honors dinners? Do I have 'reading, knitting, and watching CNN' listed as my activities? Ofcourse not. But I simply refuse to become one of those people so ashamed of their lives that they have to change their name. Nonetheless, I understand my friends' concerns.

Its frustrating to think that someones personal life can have such a profound effect on their employment or lackthere of. How do the activities someone partakes in on the weekend have any relation to their ability, work ethic and intelligence?  (Granted that they aren't doing drugs or shop lifting the local walmart in their pictures) More than likely, the majority of posted pictures on facebook will be of parties, vacations and social events. I don't know of anyone that takes a picture of themselves at the library reading the History of the Peloponnesian War and posts it on their facebook. And if they did, do companies really want to hire such an insipid person?

Sometimes, I wonder if its anything on my facebook thats preventing me from getting a job. But at the end, I always come to the same conclusion. If employers want to be entertained by my witty status updates, envy my vacation getaways, critique my outfit choices, and find out who my latest flame is - then sure, they should check out my facebook. But if they want to know anything about my GPA, the leadership positions I've held, the thesis works I've written, the organizations I've been apart of...then I suggest they look at my resume. 

And although I've made my profile private, today I recieved a friend request from an admissions counsler from a graduate school I had applied to. Did I reject her request? Absolutely not. She has my resume that lists my all curricular achievements. She can now look at my facebook and get a glimpse of who I am, my favorite books, my friends. Afterall, theres more than one side to a person. Don't judge me on an isolated incident, judge me on my legacy.

Enter Witty Title Here

No eloquent words, visionary ideas or grandiose thoughts tonight. Just one of my favorite quotes by my favorite author, academic and activist: 

Look at situations as contingent, not as inevitable, look at them as the result of a series of historical choices made by men and women, as facts of society made by human beings, and not as natural or god-given, therefore unchangeable, permanent, irreversible. - Edward Said

Is Depression a Choice?

Disinterested in the actual class dicussion,  last semesters' Psychological Logic was a class that I nevertheless never failed to have an interesting conversation in with my good friend Patrick, and so off to class I went. Through all the notes that were passed and the whispering and laughter, there was one conversation that stuck with me. Patrick was writing a paper on depression, and he had come across a website with a powerful title on the front page "Depression is a choice". 

Happy go lucky, mostly as a result of being blessed with a great support system of family and friends - and partly as a result of my nonchalant, resilient and logical nature - I seldom feel depressed. Sure, I've had setbacks in life, but I always bounce back - and fast. With one semester left of what has supposedly the best four years of my life, I returned back to school from christmas break anxious and feeling down. Three months later and two months of undergrad to go, my feelings have remained constant. 

Cold weather, a series of consecutive unfortunate events and college graduation looming, in addition to uncertainty about the future have all boded together and resulted in my negative persistent mood. Never one to rely on any type of prescription drugs to alleviate a bad mood, I know that the only way to get out of my slump is to make changes in environment, relationships and lifestyle. Yet, I am also at a crossroads in my life that there are really no viable options. I asked myself today, "What am I supposed to do? I already go to the gym, eat healthy, try to travel as often as I can, and I continue to go out and try to have a good time"...I feel like everytime I take a step forward, I go four steps back.....or in my following example, four steph down. (I had my first graduate school interview in DC this week. Everything went well, until I fell down the stairs on my way out). Seems like something little, but after three months of bad little and bad big things adding up, falling down the stairs can have a real effect on mood (haha!)

I know that part of my low mood is correlated with anxiety. Yet, even with regards to that, what am I supposed to do? Stop going to classes? or leave my graduation applications unfinished when all I have left is an essay and a submittion fee? For the first time in my life, I have found my best qualities - persistence and monomaniacal devotion - are also my worst.

Despite how I am feeling, I still get up in the morning and achieve and accomplish my grandiose 4am goals that I had planned the night before. Maybe all I need is a break? But with my future on the line, all I seem to have time for these days is a starbucks break to keep me going...

I guess life is all about ups and downs, yet for someone who has never dealt with a "down period" that lasted past a day or two, I've been struggling. So to address the conversation I once had with Patrick months ago, and the powerful statement that that website had once used as its' slogan...is depression a choice? To end this blog, I would like to share a quote from a fortune cookie I opened while having dinner in DC this past week. Fate, as it seems, can be ironic and comical. 

"Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think".

Traditional Education: A Limiting Construct?

A intermix of apathy and arrogance, I spent the entire semester in my "Introduction to Fiction" class reading everything but that which was assigned. True to nature, I had procrastinated and postponed signing up for the mandatory course until my senior year of college. Innately rebellious and independent, anything that was "required" or I percieved as "expected" of me I met with bitterness and reluctancy. And this patricular class was no different. As I quickly looked over the syllabus the first day of class, I quickly concluded that in no way will I actually purchase, let alone read "The Great Gatsby" or "Cry, The Beloved Country" among others. For the following five months, I struggled with writing "opinion" papers and taking tests based on books I had never read. The ending result? A solid C-. Do I regret not reading? Do I regret not paying attention? Suprisingly, no.

It is during all those classes that I had zoned out the professors' voice that I learned the most. While everyone discussed "The Great Gatsby", I was engrossed in a book of my own choosing titled "The Cure Within: A History of Mind-Body Medicine" by Anne Harrington. A definitive history of biomedicine, mental health, new age cures and beyond; the book is one that you couldn't pay most people to read. Yet it is an account that I found interesting and applicable to my career, personal life, and own intellectual development. Dr. Harringtons work later influenced my own. In fact, it served as the foundation and backbone behind my own senior thesis; which focused on the biomedical model of medicine and its' application to psychiatry. Without going into much further detail, I feel as though my choice to ignore what was required of me ended up being more beneficial in the long run. While I am not advocating pushing aside school work in favor of reading whatever brings you personal enjoyment, I am questioning the very structure schooling is based upon.

With my undergraduate years quickly coming to an end, I have often thought about what I learned in college. Sadly, I found most of what I had learned was derived from my own experiences, independent reading, and personal exploration. They say that college is a place where you go to learn and find out who you are as an individual. If so, then why do most institutions require such mundane and tedious courses? Or, is a college education a prelude to what life is really all about? A journey through a controlled environment, characterized by rules, requirements and expectations?